Saturday, March 9, 2013

Life with Three

Lila's first week was perhaps one of the hardest of my life. Seriously. I was even living at my parents' house, and my mom took a week and a half off work to help me--so I had help twenty-four hours a day. But I felt a horribly crushing sense of just being so overwhelmed by everything I had to do. I couldn't stop thinking about the next week when my mom would be back at work and I would have to take care of the boys on top of taking care of Lila. And of the week after that, when I would be moving to Vegas and Ryan would be working a ton of hours going into tax season. I couldn't imagine how I would possibly get anything done, ever. Or have a minute for myself again. Lila's sleeping issues didn't help the situation. She pretty much didn't sleep at all her first three or four nights. Literally. Even if I was holding her or rocking her. I couldn't even nurse her to sleep. And during the day? She'd only sleep if she was held.


I was not in a good place that first week. I'd talk to Ryan every night and just bawl about how I wasn't up to having three kids and how it would have been smart to wait longer between. Don't get me wrong, I love Lila, Reed, and Asher and couldn't (and can't) imagine not having them. But I felt crazy for choosing to have three kids in four years. (Because really, it is kind of a crazy choice!)

Thankfully, life got just a bit easier each day. Lila started sleeping at night (waking up to eat, of course) and I felt like a new person. When my mom went back to work, I made it through the six hours she was gone--and we were all clothed (in sweats, but clothed) and fed. I didn't break down every night. Then we moved. I was still a little worried, but Lila suddenly turned into a good sleeper and would sleep in her bed, meaning I had time to actually get unpacking done, to make dinner, play with the boys, and to sneak a short nap in for myself.

(Yes, we do wear "chillers" 90% of the time. The boys are all about comfort.)

And now here we are, six weeks Later. Lila is a decent sleeper most of the time--not always, and sometimes you really have to work to get her down, but in general she does pretty well. The boys aren't fighting quite as much, though they still have their crazy days. Some days are still quite difficult and I find myself counting down to bedtime by 1 pm. Some days Ryan comes home to me, sobbing, still not quite sure I can handle three kids and pretty sure I'm doing a lousy job. But a lot of days I feel pretty good. I have three beautiful children and a wonderful husband. I might not be the best mom, but I am doing the best I can. Some days my best is better than my best on other days. But you know what? I'm happy where I am.

5 comments:

kayla said...

You are the best mom! I am dying not being with your cute little family. I can't wait to see you all in one short month!!

Kim said...

I love the realness in this post! motherhood is great in so many ways, but let's be honest, there are plenty of rough days where it does just feel like we are counting down to bedtime (like every day for me!). The little moments make it all worth it, but it is tough work. Moms are the biggest hero in my book because of the difficulty of the job. You are doing great and your kids sure are adorable!

Nick, Lynnie, & Cole said...

I'm so glad things are getting better. And you should know that I look up to you and always have, especially when it comes to mothering. I think you are such an awesome mom and I'm really grateful I can come to you for advice. I actually try all the time to be more like you as a mom. I love how much you love your kids and how much you do for them. And quite honestly, when we were in town this weekend you totally seemed to be way on top of the ball (where 'the ball' is, I don't know, but it's meant as a good thing!), so definitely give yourself some credit girl. PS - I often have days where I'm counting down to bedtime by about 10am. I'm beginning to think all moms may have days like that...

Lexie said...

Meg, you are such an amazing mom! Motherhood I'd tough and we all have those moments we hope our kids forget (did you forget?). But somehow the kids survive us, just look at how amazing you all turned out!:)

Mandi Rolfe said...

You are an amazing mom! And you have three absolutely adorable children who love you to pieces. You rock!